Breaking Free - May 2022

Welcome to the May edition of Breaking Free.  This month we focus on the important role that family, friends and partners can play in a survivor’s road to recovery.  It can be challenging as well as rewarding, but supporters need to build their knowledge and tools to help them support a loved one.  If you are not familiar with the possible impacts of trauma, it can be confronting to see your loved one triggered or experiencing physical or emotional reactions. We can help you feel better equipped to offer compassionate support.  We talk about possible reactions survivors may have and importantly how you can look after yourself throughout the process.

Supporting a loved one with dissociative identities can be especially challenging.  We partnered with Infinite Mind, Beauty without Bruises, Systems Speak and ISSTD to develop a fact sheet specifically for family and friends supporting a loved one who is dissociating or who has dissociative identities. https://blueknot.org.au/resources/blue-knot-fact-sheets/survivors-and-supporters/supporting-a-person-who-lives-with-dissociative-identities/

We thank John Cowell for his poem reflecting on his childhood experiences, and for sharing some of the powerful emotions that have followed him into adulthood.

In recognition of National Sorry Day last Thursday 26^th May and Reconciliation Week we share some of the heart-breaking story of Aunty Julie Black a 64-year old Barkindji woman who was taken from her mother as part of the Stolen Generation. The National Reconciliation Week 2022 theme, “Be Brave. Make Change.” challenges all Australians to Be Brave and tackle the unfinished business of reconciliation so we can Make Change for the benefit of all Australians.

Finally, the deadline for registration for a private session with the Disability Royal Commission is fast approaching, with registration finishing on June 30th.  Blue Knot is contributing to a webinar seeking to answer any questions and concerns around this.  We encourage you to register now for the free webinar to be held early next week.

Until next time, take care,
The Blue Knot Team

Some people withdraw a lot, stay isolated, or shut down altogether. This is another reaction to trauma experiences from the past, and a way a person unconsciously protects themselves from danger. Again, this can be bewildering for loved ones, especially if you are doing your best to be there, to listen and be compassionate. It can be hard to not take things personally, and to remember that the person is reacting to something from the past. Learning to manage strong changing emotions happens over time.  You can play a role in this by being consistent, calm and present while supporting your loved one’s nervous system to calm through a process we call co-regulation. It’s helpful to learn more about the nervous system yourself, the stress and trauma responses, and how to support your loved one to recognise stress reactions, along with strategies for grounding and self-soothing.

This webpage provides a lot of information to support you to support a person through triggers: https://blueknot.org.au/supporters/supporting-through-triggers/

People betrayed in childhood or in intimate relationships can find it hard to trust even those who are closest to them. It can be confronting to believe that a loved one might not fully trust you at times, despite you being a consistent reliable presence in their lives. Relationships are hard for people betrayed in prior relationships, and many survivors anticipate that they will be hurt again if they get too close to anyone. Building trust takes time and patience, and once, again it is important to not take any reactivity personally. Be as empathic and compassionate as you can with the person you care about and with yourself, as well. That said it is important to keep healthy boundaries in your relationship together, and treat one another with respect.

Shame is another common impact with many survivors blaming themselves for their perceived weakness for somehow inviting their abuse or not stopping it. Abuse is never a child’s fault, but the self-blame and shame survivors feel can stop them reaching out for help or sharing their experiences or feelings with you. Survivors can struggle to feel good about themselves and to feel worthy. Their often-negative view, of themselves and of the world, can cause survivors to struggle with depression and other impacts on their mental health. It can also erode the hope of possibility that things can improve with the right support. It is important to know that there is support available for both survivors and their supporters, so please reach out for help. The Blue Knot Helpline and Redress Support Service has trauma counsellors who can provide you with tools, strategies and referral pathways to help you support your loved one. Please call 1300 657 380 between 9am-5pm Monday to Sunday AEST

You can find some more information here about providing support:
https://blueknot.org.au/supporters/providing-support/