Every day Blue Knot counsellors support people experiencing the impacts of complex trauma. Through those conversations they have developed some tips to help you explore a supportive relationship with your counsellor. Below are some comments from our team that might be supportive for you:
What makes a good relationship with a counsellor?
“Transparency and communication. I think it is really important to be honest with your counsellor, which can be really hard especially if you have experienced trauma and find it tricky to have a voice. Communicating what has worked and what hasn’t worked with other professionals as well. Trusting your body and noticing what’s happening in the session as well as before and after the session. What are you left with? Checking in with yourself is really important. If you are unsure of something ask questions, and check in. This should be a safe space where you feel heard, and comfortable bringing things to the table.”
“The first thing that comes to mind (and something I share with clients repeatedly) is to take time to explore the relationship. If it feels uncomfortable or a bit weird at first, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not a good match… it might just be different to what has been previously experienced AND if it feels uncomfortable longer term, than it is really good information to acknowledge and it’s okay to choose a different counsellor. I frame it as a means to build both trust within themselves and trust within the relationship.”
“Same as any other relationships; trust, safety, respect and collaboration while managing boundaries defined by the profession. Understanding that it takes time and consistency to build a relationship, just because I am a counsellor it is not expected that I should be accepted.”
What to do if the counselling relationship is not working?
“If something has caused a rupture and it is affecting how you show up in the space, be transparent with your counsellor. Your sense of safety is really important, voice that. How your counsellor handles that will say a lot about whether it is the right fit or not. Ruptures while uncomfortable can be an opportunity to repair, build trust and connection.”
“Acknowledge and accept that something is not working, talk about what is happening for you, self-reflect. Maybe you need to go back and review or re-establish the goals that were set with your therapist. Look at choices; should you continue with realignment or ask for a referral to someone that may be more appropriate. “
When to consider changing counsellors.
“Discomfort is normal especially when first starting therapy. A lot of the time it can feel worse before it feels better especially when the door to unresolved childhood trauma is opened. A trauma informed counsellor will have clear boundaries, prioritise safety and collaborate by walking alongside you. If you find you are not feeling held and safe in session and you have raised this with your counsellor, and they have not worked with you to address this, then you might choose to move on. It needs to be the right fit for you to feel safe enough to open up and be vulnerable.”
