Many people with complex trauma experience strong rapidly shifting emotions. At times they might feel difficult to manage. They may even feel overwhelming. Some people might find it hard to feel much at all. Others might not be able to name what they are feeling. These include feeling anxious, angry, upset, distressed, numb or disconnected – everything is possible and everything makes sense.

Complex trauma can affect the way our nervous system responds. We may feel constantly on alert, agitated or on edge. We may startle easily and find it hard to rest or sleep solidly. We might feel exhausted at times, shutdown or disconnected.

Experiences of complex trauma can affect our sense of self and our self-worth. We may feel shame; we may even blame ourselves for our trauma or reactions. Many survivors are very self-critical. For some of us it can be hard to identify our own needs and choices, and might feel there is something fundamental wrong with us.

As complex trauma usually arises within relationships, it can hard for us to feel safe in relationships. We can also find it difficult to trust or we may trust too easily. We might withdraw easily, and feel isolated and alone, as a result. Because boundaries were crossed or violated, we might struggle to set safe boundaries, putting others needs ahead of our own, for fear of being rejected or abandoned.

Because we experienced danger at different times, our brains and bodies are often sensitised to possible danger. We may scan for signs that something is wrong, even when we are safe. Different situations, people or experiences that remind us of past trauma can sometimes trigger powerful reactions.

Complex trauma can impact both mental and physical health. Prolonged stress and related effects can contribute to anxiety, depression and other mental health challenges. Over time, prolonged stress can also affect physical health and raise the risk of chronic health conditions. These impacts are different from person to person and can change over time.

Because we are focussed on trying to stay safe, we might find it harder concentrate, remember information, plan or make decisions. Trauma impacts the way we make and recall memories, meaning they can often be fragmented or intrusive.

Some of us disconnected from our trauma, especially if we were young or it happened repeatedly. By dissociating we were able to survive experiences which might have otherwise overwhelmed us. Ongoing dissociation might leave us feeling detached from ourselves, our bodies, our emotions or surroundings. We may experience gaps in our recall and not be able to form a coherent narrative for our lives or feel as though things around us are unreal.

We all develop ways to manage distress and protect ourselves. These can include avoiding difficult situations, keeping constantly busy, withdrawing, pleasing others, using alcohol or other substances, or other behaviours that help us cope in the moment. Some strategies may have helped us survive difficult circumstances but become less helpful over time.

Complex trauma can affect our sense of who we are and where we belong. It may affect our ability to connect with ourselves, with others including family, with our community, our culture and our belief systems. This can also affect our ability to hold onto hope, find meaning and purpose, and participate fully in our own lives.

Complex trauma can affect different parts of our lives at different times. This includes having healthy relationships, our parenting, our capacity to study and have a job, as well as to manage our finances and look after our health.

Many survivors find it hard to reach out, to seek and receive help, to identify and communicate what they need.

All of these responses make sense in the context of what happened to. It is important to acknowledge our strengths in having survived and having coped as best we could. When we not only understand our responses, but are self-compassionate we can stop asking ourselves: What is wrong with me? And begin to ask: “What happened to me? How did I learn to survive? What have I achieved and what do I need now in this moment?”